Officially four months in, I am teetering on the edge of long-term staff status here at Karmê Chöling. Nearly two seasons have passed, and fall is definitely in the air. The nights are becoming crisp and cool, and the leaves are starting to change to red and gold. I am excited for once in my life to be living in New England in the fall. Zoom in on the table top puzzle of colorful hills, red barns, and wooden bridges, and you will find me. Having my morning coffee, gazing at the waterfall outside my window, and contemplating basic goodness.
Basic goodness was something that I felt as a child but did not know it. It is something that propelled me into my life as an adult but I did not recognize it. It is a feeling that when missing, I feel despondent, depressed, anxious, worried, hopeless, and many other negative emotions. But I did not know that the cause of these feelings was fear and a lost connection to basic goodness. Mine. Others’. The world’s.
Last week, I took a 5-day basic meditation training, a foundational program here at the retreat center. I have been meditating almost daily for 4 months and yet, the simple, clear instructions and concise dharma teachings that came with them, were quite illuminating. Here’s a very brief summary of the training:
- We are all basically good.
Now, sit on your cushion with a relaxed but erect posture, gaze down about 6 feet in front of you, and focus on your out breath. As thoughts come, notice them and gently, let them go. - We create a cocoon around ourselves to protect ourselves from discomfort and pain, and the scary, even terrifying things about life we would rather not think about or experience. This cocoon is made of our material things, our mental habits, our defenses, our addictions… even going to sleep when we have had enough sleep. There are many ways we create our cocoon.
And the cocoon feels safe and comfortable. Easier. Less work. Why wouldn’t we want a cocoon? And for sure, it must be okay to have one. But, our cocoons can become our prisons. We can become numb and depressed inside. Less open. Less willing. Less able to feel deep joy. Less able to feel at all.
Our cocoon and our many habitual ways of being can obscure our ability to see basic goodness in ourselves and others. Despite the comfort of the cocoon, we are missing out on the deeper, stiller, innate essence of goodness that we all have within us.
Now, sit on your cushion with a relaxed but erect posture, gaze down about 2-3 feet in front of you, and focus on your in breath and out breath. Notice the sensations in your body. Come into contact with your heart.
As thoughts come, notice them and gently, let them go. Touch and go.
As feelings arise, notice these too. Sit with these. Do not push them away. Feel them. Boredom. Anxiety. Frustration. Fear. Just be with it all.
Do this for 20 minutes. Intersperse with walking meditation for 10 minutes (focus on the feeling of the feet on the floor). Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
In between the meditation and the teacher’s talks, there is discussion. And naturally, many questions and objections arise. As we search our experiences and think of those who have wronged us, and the many examples of evils in the world, we struggle to make sense of this very simple and naive-seeming idea that we are all basically good. And, how in the world does all this simple meditation help us to connect with it?
OK, let’s revise this idea. We all have the potentiality for basic goodness. But those cocoons - that’s the trouble. They can take us away- far away- from our basic goodness.
Take the idea of original sin and flip it on its head. We are all born with innate basic goodness. This is the Buddhist view. The bad stuff comes later, as we grow and live and face the traumas and trials that come with living as a human being. I have not completely gotten this straight in my mind yet, but somehow we go down the many rabbit holes of living a human life, and as we do, we add layer upon layer of shields, stories, substances, and suffering. We get stuck. So afraid of feeling the harshness of life, we can cut ourselves off from beauty, tenderness, and joy.
I am struggling to make sense of these ideas. At every turn, there is so much to contradict the notion that every being has at least the seed of goodness within.
I think of a picture of me as a child, sitting on a hearth with a bouquet of wild flowers in my hands, a smile of delight on my face.
I remember times when I lashed out with bitter words towards the one I loved, hurt and confused.
I wonder why some people are so damned hard to get along with, and how in the world will we ever stop fighting?
I notice how my body grows cold when I am disappointed by the actions of others - small acts of indifference, tiny arrows of anger, and enormous acts of violence and hatred.
I notice how I shut down and close off to the world in the face of these things.
What if I decide to open my heart anyway?
And I return to my breath. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out.
Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
May basic goodness dawn.
May the confidence of goodness be eternal.
May goodness be all-victorious.
May that goodness bring profound, brilliant glory.
Daily morning chant at Karme Choling
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